Facebook has had just a tiny bit of poison lately. Sometimes I've left it feeling heavy. The best way I can describe it is just feeling a shade darker than I did before I looked at it, like I might feel after an unintentional insensitive remark from an acquaintance or friend. It's not like my Facefriends are angry people, and it's not that anyone has actually directed any insensitive remarks toward me, or said anything deliberately hurtful. The nature of Facebook is that I can read volumes of comments daily--probably hundreds if I'm particularly dedicated--which also means that I just absorb a ton of gunk. Breakfast menus, frustrations in traffic, baby milestones, vacation views, political stances, reactions to the world...I soak up everything that's out there, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the very ugly. Sometimes, it's enough to make me feel darker.
I can't say how many times someone inadvertently insulted me, or hurt me, by posting something on Facebook. I think that I have been lumped in various groups of designated idiots and a-holes just because I share a belief with someone else. Reading someone else's opinion on something is not enough to hurt me, but for some reason, Facebook seems to be the place where an opinion can acceptably be paired with an insult or sarcastic mockery. As a person who is working tirelessly, sometimes with very little result it seems, to eliminate this behavior from young teenagers, I worry about what we are willing to say about each other for the sake of getting a strong reaction from others. The "Like" button is a double-edged sword...it is encouragement at its best, and endorsement of poor ethical behavior at worst. No matter what, it's motivation for making reaction-worthy statements in cyberspace. At times, people feel most confident getting a reaction from negative, destructive statements that can tear down a large number of people at one fell swoop. I see this every day in middle school, by the way. We call it bullying. You don't have to call it that if it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
Which leads me to think: perhaps if I feel darker, heavier, maybe someone else does, too. Maybe hundreds. Maybe thousands. In fact, I'm betting that a good portion of Facebook/social media users have been unintentionally hurt by their own friends or even family on Facebook by posts that have negative, insulting slants to them. I'm betting that a good portion of Facebook/social media users have posted something at one point or another that was destructive to another human being. Additionally, I'm betting that most of us were taught to have manners and be respectful to others by our parents and grandparents. Then again, we had to look people in the face when we were using our good manners. It's different when our words can hang there, suspended, isn't it? It's different when our audience is likely to be supportive of what we say and show us by bestowing us with "Likes" and emoticons. It's different when we can't visualize the other hundreds of people who are virtually staring at us as we say our impulsive quips. Isn't it time that we call ourselves on the very same behavior that we love to pin on adolescents as "bullying"? Isn't it time that we give ourselves a little bit of rest and peace from the dark?
Maybe I have thin skin. My dad always told me I'm too sensitive. I'll invite you to jump on his bandwagon only after I reiterate that I am not looking for a sterilization of opinions and statuses. I'm calling for a refocus on general manners on social media. Humor me for a second while I propose a new guidebook for Facebook etiquette.
The Guide to Facebook Etiquette:
1. Build someone up.
Actually, that's it. If you do nothing else on Facebook, make sure that whatever you post, whatever you say, is deliberately trying to build someone up. Bring happiness, not destruction. Protest in action, not in scathing remarks. Address problems face-to-face, not in text on a screen that has no face. Think, think, think before you put it all out there, because you never know who just became labored with your impulsive remarks. Facebook is like lightning; no matter what you post, it will reach hundreds more people a hundred times faster. Yep, that's every bit as much power in your hands as it sounded. Don't be tempted to send poison into the hearts of those who read your thoughts when you could literally bring happiness to hundreds with a simple change of word and intention. As I ask my students in my classroom to do as a rule of thumb when they walk in the door: Be kind. Be happy. Take care of each other.
Let's just own it. Let's put into action our passions, put into practice our compassion, put love into our words at every post. My precious-beyond-explanation, impressionable students are watching. And our hearts, all of our hearts, need lifting.
