Hey you,
I understand that your brother can drive you crazy sometimes. No, I can't take him back. No, a new baby in the family won't make your brother any less interested in you. Can I say that I believe that your brother is teaching you some valuable lessons in life? Here's what I've learned just by watching the two of you grow together.
1. At some point, someone will take something that you believe belongs to you. Even worse, he might slobber on it and rip it to shreds.
Ask yourself these questions: 1) Does that thing really belong to you? 2) Did you only take notice that you lost that thing when someone swooped in and began to value it? Maybe you don't value that thing as much as you thought. 3) Will crying and stomping solve the problem? It might make you feel better temporarily, but won't change the reality of the situation that you've lost something. Plus, incessant crying will only tire you out, sending you spinning into a tantrum rather than contentment. No one likes a tantrum...even the tantrum-thrower. Use your words in the place they are most impactful. If the item that has been lost is worth fighting for, then tell him that what he's done has upset you. Contact the authorities for help. Otherwise, find something else on which to focus your attention that is more valuable to you at the moment. Figure out what's worth fighting for and what you can let go.
2. Not everyone has to live by the same rules.
Yep, someone only has to eat three green beans while you have to eat five. Someone gets a one-minute time out while you get three. One of my favorite professors taught me that what is fair is not always equitable, and what is equitable is not always fair. What would happen to tiny newborns if we all had to eat five green beans at dinner? It's hard when you realize that someone else has different expectations placed on him, but perhaps it's time to celebrate what gifts you have that another might not, like the chance to stay up thirty minutes later, or the ability to eat ice cream when the other guy is lactose intolerant. Figure out what is absolutely awesome about being the exception to the rule, because we all are in some situations. Be thankful that life allows us to grow in our own ways.
3. A true gift from God is something (or someone) that didn't necessarily make your life exponentially more amazing, but rather something that adds to your understanding of the goodness and depth of grace.
That person who sometimes makes you want to pull out your hair is also that person who will stand in solidarity with you when you're in time out, or will take notice and cry when you're hurt. At the same time that that person will inspire you to act in a less-than-distinguished manner, he will also stand nearby until you gather yourself so that playtime can continue. That person will think of/chatter about you first thing in the morning simply because he has chosen you to fill his first waking moments, despite the fact that you had to stand in opposite corners the night before. That person will follow you and take an interest in you no matter how much you crave your personal space. The funny thing is, you'll find yourself drawn to him, too, sharing in his joy and sorrows without hesitation. You know why? Because the ups and downs of unconditional love shared by siblings is, in fact, graceful. You return to each other continually because of grace. You'll always have each other, no matter what degree of separation or obstacle, because of grace. Look through those cranky times to see what grace you've been given because of your brother and how you've shared that selflessly with him.
4. Letting others share their gifts enhances your gifts, too.
Sometimes other people will get recognition that you wish you had, too. There will be plenty of moments for you, too, because you are an incredible human being. Allow others to ooh and ahh over someone else without feeling threatened. It is fruitless to try to minimize someone else's gifts, because frankly, this world is full of spotlight mongers who bring about pain in their selfish quests. Your brother is the way he is because he has watched and idolized your gifts his whole life. He's also been blessed with some of his own unique gifts, just like you. You've shared your gifts with him just by being the person you are, just as you have soaked up his gifts by proximity. Be free in your knowledge that we are great because of the intertwining of, and not the competition between, the gifts each person in our family holds.
5. Everyone has poop in their pants one time or another.
It seems to stink up the atmosphere when someone is especially crabby or hurt about something. Even further, sometimes trying to clean up the mess brings on further despair because it's uncomfortable. However, avoiding that person does nothing to help the situation. The best thing I think you can do is to help distract the person while he gets things sorted out. In fact, some day you'll find yourself in a similar situation where you hope those closest to you will show some compassion and understanding, even when you feel vulnerable with your butt in the air. You'll get past it, and so does everyone else, eventually.
6. God gave everyone an instant, loving friend somewhere on this Earth. Aren't you lucky he is growing up in your house?
You, my dear, have an instant friend in a person who is growing up right along side you! This is not to say that your relationship won't be difficult at times, but trust me. You have something that no one else in the entire world currently has with your brother. He will never have any older sister other than you. You even share some similar genes that no one else has in this world. You are tied to him in so many ways that you don't yet understand. I hope that what we've given you is the best friend you could possibly ever find. It already makes my heart glad when the two of you delight in each other's company. At some point way down the road, it's possible that you two will support each other in ways that others can't quite fulfill in the same way. What you have is sacred and irreplaceable. It is profound.
Thank you for taking your job as a sister so seriously. For the journey ahead, bring your brother along with you. He'll want to tag along anyway.
Love,
Mommy
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